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I'm still off the wagon.

It's so pathetic. Last week I had a staycation and instead of being active (working out twice or three times a day - even if it was just walking) and eating healthy I was pretty much a slob. Slept in. Got my workout gear on and then did laundry. I only went to the gym on Wednesday and it just makes me so ANGRY that I wasted my time. I set specific goals and did not reach them at all.

It's literally depressing to even blog about it. I just want to curl up and cry about all my failures. My failed attempts of "getting healthy" "becoming thinner" or just "breaking a bad habit". If I make the effort for 2-3 weeks, I'm solid. I'm golden. But then I have that one friend that wants to go out or there's some stupid event or birthday that I can't just say no to.. and one night f*cks it all up. 

I love LOVE when my friends tag me in healthy food posts or videos but right now, I just can't. I feel like I'm stuck. I know I gave up. And it kills me that I just can't find any motivation to get back on this 'wagon' or 'horse'. I set my alarm for 4:30 / 5:00 am but I just can't. I'm so tired in the morning. It feels like my depression has taken over me too much .. 

I have no energy these days. I haven't even been eating properly. Like, nothing. Yesterday I had a cup of gingerale for breakfast, a protein bar for a snack / lunch and by the time dinner rolled around I was starving and had a sub. Yesterday was my first day back from my staycation. I worked 11.5 hours and I wanted to shoot myself. 

I love my co-worker. She's a great person but she has no idea how to do anything I do. (And I have no idea how to do hers) Her job is to focus on cosmetic clients - go into the room, measure them, discuss prices, book their surgery - probably some other stuff that I haven't got a clue about-That's her job. Me on the other hand it's much more than that. It's EVERYTHING else... maybe this rant will make me feel better. 
This is my job (and hopefully you will understand why I needed this staycation):
- Check the voicemail / return messages / answer phones
- Enter patients into the system via referral letter, book them for appointments, fax appointments back to family MD offices 
- Assist patients filling out packages for O.R. - booking the patients, making lab reqs according to medical condition.. 
- Remind above patients of upcoming O.R. related appointments and HOUND THEM TO DO THEIR BLOOD WORK (otherwise I cancel the surgery)
- Printing off appointment notifications (to give to coworker to call the patient) then scanning and filing into patient file
- Scanning all charts from clinical days
- Coordinating the doctor's schedule with his private Cosmetic clinic/ asking them to block him at certain times when he has private matters / events
- Book doctors personal appointments, updating the calendar , and the other clinic etc (I am pretty much his assistant)
- Remind him of such above appointments
- Check his membership information for payment dues to update the manager of the Cosmetic clinic to take care of payment
- Invoices for patients / lawyers offices
- Dictation of assessments (this is for patients that have gotten into MVA or some sort of accident - the doctor assesses the client for 60 minutes, writes notes then dictates to me what they want in the report) 

*sigh* The list goes on. I come back from my little holiday to 178 fax messages. 51 voicemails (it's full) and a TON of work Emails.. 
I prepared a check list for my coworker prior to leaving of such things that MUST be done by the time I get back. Nope nope nope. Every time I come back from a vacation it's literally a headache and I want to shoot myself. Get an intern you say? No thanks. Taking the time to train them isn't worth my time - I'll fall back on my duties and I have no one to count on but myself.. 

One thing I learned though is to take a vacation when my boss takes a vacation. Close the office completely. Leave a message stating 'this voicemail does not accept messages' and turn the fax machine OFF. That's another thing. I spoke to my coworker to turn the fax machine off. I CAME IN THE OFFICE EARLY ON TUESDAY AND IT WAS ON.. 

This rant was good. I'm still depressed and want to eat a bag of doritos. Or eat wings but I feel better. It's nice to get everything off your chest. / shoulders. Whatever. Hopefully I'll be able to blog later and be in a better state of mind. Stay tuned.

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